I’m in the process of working through one of my core fixed attitudes of ‘there’s something wrong.” During my surrender yoga practice I was able to get to a place of contemplating, getting the idea of ‘everything’s ok’, everything’s good’, everything just is. There is so much ease in that, I can rest, I haven’t rested inside for far too long. Always something to do, something to be, something to fix, something to make better, no time for rest, even if it looked like I was from the outside, inside always moving, always restless, aiming, going for looking for. Needing. No more! I am done that with, I complete that phase of my life. It has served me well, it has brought me to where I am today and today I love who I am, I love what I do, I am in love with my life completely. No need for worry, no need for concern. Focus my time and energy on what is, so much to be grateful for. So much to share and enjoy and appreciate. I am truly blessed.
why is it sometimes so difficult to just enjoy the ride? why do we or at least I take myself and life so seriously sometimes? after all as Bill Hicks so aptly says, “it’s just a ride”. and quite the ride it is! no matter how wise I’ve gotten, how experienced, how skilled, how many tools I’ve got in my tool belt…there’s always something that gets me. it truly is fascinating. at times a little disheartening and discouraging but in the end I find my way back to centre or at least humour and remember not to take it so seriously and just laugh and enjoy it. there is so much to be upset about and equally there is as much to be ecstatic about. I feel the key is to allow both and not get too caught up in either. all I truly do know is that when I let go of trying to figure it out and open to the wonder of life, magic does truly happen. yesterday one of our lessons was on radical wonder and awe, it got interrupted by the rain, which rarely if ever happens in this part of Israel and not long after we were blessed with the vision of a double rainbow! kind of puts things in perspective. it all truly is a miracle. as Albert Einstein one said, “there are two ways to live life, one is as if nothing is a miracle and the other is as if everything is.”
try it on, see what shift it makes in your day. perhaps a sharp curve to the right or a double loop twist…I figure we always get what we need. ENJOY!
It’s 1am and the wind is starting to gust and the rain starting to fall. It very rarely, if ever, rains here. Here being the Negev desert of Israel. There are threats of flooding which happens once every 10 years or so. It’s an exciting time. I obviously can’t sleep. I sit here in the field kitchen of our solar powered dome neighbourhood sipping fresh mint tea listening to the sounds of the goats and the wind and I wonder what’s going to happen next…will it just blow over? The wind seems to get stronger as if in response.
Earlier tonight I received a spontaneous lesson in Judaism when I asked my friend Nissim what it means to be Jewish. It’s not an easy thing to explain. He began with the book of Genesis and ended with the 10 Commandments and I sense we had only just scratched the surface. And the ensuing discussion had only just begun when it was time for me to leave, being far past my bedtime. I left at the point of discussing the controversial term ‘the chosen ones’. This has always been a point of contention for me, not feeling like I was one of ‘the chosen ones’, only being half Jewish and that half being on my father’s side. Before I had asked Nissim what it meant to be Jewish I had explained to him how I had grown up not connected to or identified with any religion or group, never really feeling like I belonged, even in my own family. We talked about how it can be difficult having ‘free choice’, he feels his choice was made before he was born, having been born Jewish. I really do feel like I very rarely, if ever, know what to believe. At that point we discussed how dangerous ‘belief’ can be, sometimes locking someone into their own prison and of course be the cause of many conflicts and even war. A perfectly understandable conversation to be having in the middle east as a storm is brewing.
I just stepped outside to feel the wind and allow some drops of rain to fall on my face. Coming from British Columbia I would have not thought rain drops to be so rare and precious.
I came here to make peace with my heritage, my roots and inside I feel as turbulent about it as the storm outside. I still don’t understand how a group of people that sets themselves apart from others is a ‘good thing’. I sense there’s a lot more discussion that needs to happen. As I left Nissim’s he was translating the section in the torah where it supposedly makes the infamous statement about being ‘chosen’ and he surprisedly (even to himself) said that it doesn’t even say ‘chosen’, it says ‘deemed to be holy and wanted’. I can accept that, if everyone else is deemed that way to. I wonder… there really must be something that I am missing. I am definitely intrigued even a little excited…will I truly make peace with being part of a Jewish family and not ‘feeling’ Jewish? They say world peace begins with inner peace. I have often felt like the microcosm of the macrocosm of this huge, no, grandiose issue. Being the spawn of Russian/Polish Jew on the one side and pure German on the other. My grandfather liberated my grandmother from the concentration camps in Poland. I know it’s heavy shit. I obviously chose this ‘crazy’ situation for a reason. Perhaps it is nearing time for it to all become clear to me, or perhaps like many of life’s mysteries, it never will. God only knows and time will tell. I’m feeling a little cliche this evening. I thinks it time to go feel some more rain on my face and try going back to sleep. Perhaps I’ll be enlightened in my sleep!
Every night I give thanks for the blessings of the day and there is so much it’s almost overwhelming. My days are so full with incredible learnings, beautiful surroundings, lovely people and encounters, the list goes on. It’s important to remember gratitude especially in times of seeming challenge, this is what pulls us through. I am grateful for all that I have and all that I am able to experience and especially for each person I was able to touch or be touched by in some way. Thank you.
Living in the desert in Southern Israel, studying Ecological Design, Permaculture and Community Building I am ever more present to the preciousness of life. All life. Water is scarce here, it is a fragile ecosystem. One must be aware of how choices and actions impact the environment and the lives of others. When we recognize the interconnectedness of all things we become more aware of and sensitive to the results and effects of our actions. What if we all took the attitude that this Earth truly is our ‘home’. Would you dump trash in your living room? Would you sprinkle poison on your food at the dining room table? Would you piss and shit in your drinking water? And yet we do. There is a more harmonious and sustainable way and it isn’t that difficult, in fact it is so exquisitely simple and common sense. When we make choices from a place of care, care for each other, care for the earth, all are taken care of. Imagine if everyone thought of the impact of their choices and actions and asked themselves some simple questions before doing anything? How can I do this in a way that is beneficial versus harming? How can I do this with the minimum effort and the maximum result? How can I do this in a way that uses readily available and renewable resources? How can I do this without producing waste or polluting in any way? How can I do this in a way that is sustainable? I guarantee you that for any project there is most likely a solution or design that answers all these questions and more. It just takes the perspective and intention. Unfortunately alot of choices have been made without these considerations and have resulted in catastrophe, destruction and our near demise, turning this beautiful life giving planet into a polluted, poisoned and abused place to live.
We can make different choices. We have the power, knowledge, skills and ability to make this planet into ‘Home Sweet Home’ for ourselves and for generations to come. Together we can repair the damage we have done and restore this planet, our home to the beautiful place it has the potential to be. It is our responsibility as stewards of this land to leave it better than we found it and the best thing about it is we can have a lot of fun doing it!! Plus you’ll feel good about yourself. 
Here I am sitting on the cushy chairs of Starbucks in Amsterdam airport, during my 6 hour layover on my way to Israel. I am usually a critic and somewhat boycotter of Starbucks, not wanting to support large conglomerates, but I have to admit after getting unstuffed from that 9 hour flight at 4am Vancouver time, 2pm Amsterdam time, I was grateful to see the comfy chairs and the familiar logo. (The rest of the airport is equipped with lovely hard plastic chairs with arms, not an ounce of comfort in those puppies). So I proceeded to get my Tazo Calm tea and take a very welcome post in the cozy stuffed armchair next to the window. Drank my tea with relish, blocked the constant and very annoying airport announcements out with my ipod earphones and lay my head down to sleep on the soft cushy arm of my Starbucks chair. There is snow outside, it’s winter here, hard to imagine that I’ll soon be in the Israeli desert where it’s dry and warm. Hard to believe I’ll be in Israel period. A long time dream of living on a kibbutz coming true! And an ecovillage Kibbutz to boot, even better. Not to mention my dream of making films. It’s amazing what one can create and accomplish when dedicated to living life to the fullest and in alignment with one’s deepest heart’s purpose! I have to admit I am a little nervous that something will go terribly wrong, it just seems all to good to be true that somethings got to blow it. And I am hopeful that everything does go well and in fact keeps getting better! Whatever, however it all turns out I know I will learn alot and have an incredibly enriching experience. I really feel at the precipice of the total unknown and am grateful to be sitting on a comfy chair as I prepare to jump!
My flight has been delayed by 3 extra hours. Yippee! Definitely grateful for the Starbucks chairs now. I have made a new friend, she picked me up at the gate, a woman from the Philippines who is married to an Israeli man.
Shortly after I lay down for a nap on the comfy Starbucks chairs we were kicked out for cleaning. This initiated a walk about in the Amsterdam airport. What an amazing place! I had a great time exploring the rest of the airport, found even comfier chairs associated with a funkier cafe and I eventually found a mediation room where I did some yoga to counter the travel stiffness and aches. Interesting how we can get stuck into a place of comfort and it’s not until someone kicks us in the butt do we venture off into new territory and discover something new!
Things that make you go hmmm…
It’s all so exquisitely simple. Beautifully so. It’s all about being open and honest. Every step, every breath of the way. Being, breathing, speaking, acting from integrity. Getting clear on what that is is the challenging part. But it is possible and once there it is ever so sweet. The sharing of my truth openly to another the ultimate act of intimacy. Baring my soul, vulnerable, revealed, seen, met and loved. As I am, as no other. By another. Fulfilled.
Some of the ties or bonds around my heart have lifted or dropped, wherever they are gone, I am free from them. And I am grateful. I am ever more present to my love, the love that I have to give and I am reinspired to share it ever more fully. I know my mission, I know who I am, I am love unbound, here to inspire, touch, ignite, awaken and open others to their truest essence and potential. I am here to join together with others to celebrate life and live it to the fullest! I will stop at nothing, nothing can deter me, stop me, distract me or interfere with me. It is impossible, for it is my destiny. I am speechless now, self conscious that you will think me wacky, flaky or too idealistic. And yet I still know it to be true and I smile, amused at my own follies. It’s so great to be both divine and human. Always keeps life interesting! Love, gotta love it!
I have been holding back and for this I apologize. Out of fear, concern, consideration, but no more! If you sense that I am call me on it. It’s too painful to hold back any longer. There’s so much to give, infinite amounts of unbound love.
3 important (and my favourite) ways to take care of yourself this season are:
1) Soak in hot baths! This is a great way to warm up the body, ease aching muscles and unwind from any tension or stress. Adding epsom salts helps to soothe aching muscles and draw out toxins (you can buy big bulk bags at Quality Farm for a very reasonable price!). Also try adding some essential oils and for that extra luxury, flower petals. Have a cup of your favourite tea by your side, relaxing music, candles and enjoy! Guys, you can let your feminine side out and enjoy too!!
2) Stay active! (Gentle activity) It’s important to keep the life force flowing in the body otherwise stiffness and atrophy starts to set into the body, especially with the cold and damp weather. It’s not the time to be super active but enough to feel that sense of being alive and in the body. I enjoy walks in the forest and on the beach, dance and yoga. When you do go for your walk, be sure to take deep breaths, breathing in the life force of nature that surrounds you. Allow your body to become infused with the prana (life force) that is so abundant in nature. Prana is deeply healing, revitalizing and rejuvenating force and is available to you through the breath. Yoga is a powerful practice to learn and increase your ability to connect with and allow prana to be more full and present in your body.
3) Treat yourself to a massage! I always find my body begins to stiffen up with the cold and damp weather. A massage can warm the body and help keep the muscles soft and supple and it’s also very healing and rejuvenation for the body, including the organs. A massage is so delicious and a great way to be reminded of how good it can feel being in your body. It’s so important and healing to receive touch. I remember reading an article once about babies in intensive care where they did an experiment, half of the babies received touch once a day and half of them didn’t, the babies that received touch grew stronger and healthier much faster than the babies that didn’t receive the touch. Things that make you go hmmm…honour self and book a massage today!
I woke up a little more last night. My bubble popped. I realized I have been living a delusion, a denial of some sorts of others existence or right to exist. I have been so consumed with my vision for the world and humanity that I have refused to accept the way it is. I know why, it’s too painful and terrifying. I have been trying so hard to make the world a better place to avoid the feelings that would be present if I let myself fully feel and accept the world as it is. Wow, this is so hard, to be this honest and it also feels good, true. I have been so wrapped up in what I want Truth to be that I haven’t seen what it really is. I am so scared right now. And relieved in some strange way. A veil has lifted. It’s already shown up in my relationships, my conversations with others has been so much more real and honest and therefore deeply fulfilling. True intimacy. I still want to change the world! LOL. I have to laugh at myself now about it. My not so secret agenda to awaken the planet so that they can all get what I get and be how I see they should be is now out. I have been so arrogant. And yet I would still love to rule the world and make it exactly how I want it to be. I’m not sure whether that will change. But at least I can be honest about it and amused. I used to be so ashamed of being human. My goal for awakening was so I could escape my humanness. Alas, the joke was on me, one day I got that I truly was ‘human’, I was so disappointed and at the same time it brought such a sense of relief that I didn’t have to be perfect and do it all. I still try though, of course. Why not?! What else is there to do? Hee hee! As long as I am having a great time doing it. Which I am. More and more. Life certainly is a wild ride. Still so much to learn and experience…so many more bubbles to pop and veils to drop.
